Is this therapist right for you?
Ten questions about how it has actually been going, and a separate list of things that are not a matter of fit. This gives you a read and a list of things to raise. It does not give you a verdict, because it only has your half of the room. Nothing is saved or sent anywhere.
0 of 10 answered
Separately: things that are not about fit
These are not scored and they do not average out against anything above. They are professional boundaries rather than preferences, and one of them being true matters regardless of how good the rest of it has been.
Uncomfortable is not the same as wrong
The hardest part of judging fit is that good therapy often feels bad. You go somewhere you have avoided for years, and then you have to drive home. Dreading a session, feeling exposed afterwards, or being annoyed at something they said are all compatible with it working.
The distinction worth holding is between being uncomfortable and being unheard. Being challenged on something true is uncomfortable. Repeating yourself for six weeks to someone who keeps aiming at a different problem is something else, and more of it will not fix it. There is more on the first kind in why you can feel worse after therapy.
Say it before you decide anything
Most fit problems that get resolved get resolved by being named, and most never get named. The conversation is more ordinary than it feels: bring it up early in a session, keep it specific to what has been happening rather than to them as a person, and watch what they do with it.
How they respond is the actual test. A therapist who takes it seriously, asks what you mean, and changes something is showing you the thing you were trying to measure. A therapist who becomes defensive, or turns it back on you as resistance, has also answered the question.
Common questions
How do I know if my therapist is right for me?
Look at whether you feel understood, whether you leave with something, whether they adjust when an approach is not working, whether the frame is reliable, and whether you could disagree with them out loud. Discomfort is not the test. Being unheard is.
Is it normal to feel like therapy is not working?
Very. It is also normal for it to be true at a particular point and stop being true after you say so. Most people who feel stuck have not yet told their therapist they feel stuck, which is the single most useful thing to do with the feeling.
How do I tell my therapist it is not working?
Say it early in a session and keep it specific. Something like: I want to talk about how this is going, because I have not felt like we are getting to the thing. A good therapist will treat that as useful rather than as a complaint.
Should I switch therapists?
This page cannot answer that, and be wary of anything that says it can. What it can tell you is what to raise first. If you have raised it clearly and nothing changed, or if any of the red flags above apply, that is a different situation and worth talking through with someone you trust.
This is a self-help checklist, not an assessment, a diagnosis, or a professional opinion about anyone. sokoon is AI support for adults 18 and over rather than therapy. If you may harm yourself or someone else, or cannot stay safe, contact local emergency services. In the US you can call or text 988, free and anonymous.
Working out what to say is its own job.
sokoon is somewhere to think it through before the conversation, so you walk in with a sentence rather than a feeling. One full text session every day on Free, no card. It works alongside therapy, not instead of it.